So, today is the day we're forced to celebrate the Saint of Love. Some dude named Valentino, I think his name was.
Ummm, no. Fuck all that. And no, I'm not against love.
Valentine's Day is all about expectations. There WILL be chocolate in a heart shaped box. There WILL be fancy dress. There WILL be an expensive dinner. There WILL be sex...
...except for those single folks, who, on this day of "love", feel unloved and lonely. The expectation is more like a pint of ice cream and a copy of "50 Shades" or a stiff drink and a couple hours checking out the new releases on PornHub before realizing you drank too much and have whiskey dick. Today is just another day of flying solo except your self esteem is even lower. holiday cocktail dresses
And what about this Cupid thing? What the fuck is sexy about a naked baby shooting people with an arrow? What about that is supposed to put you in the mood? "Like, I was thinking about that naked baby that shoots everyone with an arrow, and, what do you say we get naked and eat chocolate"? Seriously, it's kinda sick if you think about it.
So, yeah. Fuck all this Valentine and Cupid shit. I think we should celebrate love all year long. Have a special FUN dinner for no reason ( # dinnerdebauchery ). Get naked and try something new just because it's Tuesday ( # TantilizingTuesday ). Break out a candle and some oils and take turns giving each other massages every Monday ( # MondayMassage ). Make a special cocktail and cuddle somewhere cozy ( # cozycuddles ). Commit to the Hump Day Challenge ( # HumpDayChallenge ). And then there's all the mischief you can get into on the weekend ( # SinfulSaturday & # SexySunday ).
And if you're single. Well, commit to swiping right more often on Tinder (or is it left?). Maybe that serial killer has a soft, sensual side? Maybe you won't need a restraining order if it's just a one night stand? Maybe you could learn to love that giant hairy mole on the side of their face? You never know when love will strike.
So on this February 14th, I pledge to skip the fanfare of this made up holiday, and dive head first into love, this day and every day!
Who's with me? (no not like that you sick fuck, I'm talking about skipping the holiday!)