And UTholo said, "Our mothers also believe this thus for lesbians ,for example there has to be a man between the two it can't be just two woman one has to resemble the man thus if you ever tried to have a (for example) Zulu traditional wedding they'll always have to be one woman taking the part of a man because even as two women hetrosexuality must win we can't be equal and that is the sad reality my girlfriend and I will face. Along with other lesbian woman who wish to have our traditional weddings." long wedding dresses
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Just before I sleep since I'm annoyed.
The idea that a man will date you for years and years then you break up and he marries someone else in 3 months or 5 months is always accompanied by suggestions that men know what they want and know who they want to spend the rest of their lives with pretty soon. -Because men are seen as more sensible humans not like the confused women and the confused queers.
Now lets unpack this.
For how long are we going to allow men to decide when we are valuable enough to spend this rest their lives with them?
What about the rest of your life? Does it wait on some guy to be the one and once that ends we growl and cry and say life us not fair and keep searching for the man who will decide we are worthy of being in his life "forever"? I mean come on.
Now also, for how long are we going to allow one knee, a ring, cows or money, vows and whatever color dress you want and a long life of monogamy to tell us we are worthy of being loved?
Tbh I got tired of all of this.
I remember being told once by an ex's friend that he was not sure if he wants to marry because there are certain things missing. He also confirmed this and it hit me. What about my standards? Why am i waiting to tick his boxes? Has he ticked mine?
I know to engage or marry someone requires our consent and I know a lot of married woman had the man who married them tick their boxes too.
But the narrative is always one sided and the whole idea of courting as we know it and are socialized into it is very patriarchal and thats the mediocrity of heterosexuality and this binary.
Men are told they are real men now that they have found a woman, "he who finds a woman finds a beautiful thing or a precious thing" I cannot remember wtf the quote says.
But my point is that all of this heterosexual mediocrity sounds like an amazing love story that would make one tear up if read in a fictional novel, but in actual fact a lot of it is violent and damaging because it has limited all alternative ways of loving and is another form of extreme sexism.
Heterosexuality is violent. Even to the people proudly practicing it.
This is why society is queer-phobic. People cannot conceive the idea of two women being involved in an act of love and deciding that we are going to get married and flourish, sure this cant be, a man is not kneeling on one leg and becoming indoda ya madoda, i mean whose gonna be the head of the house as designed by heterosexuality?
And hey don't even think a man can go marry a man, i mean whats that? Again the question how do you have two heads of the household? Oh wait a man can be feminine? Hell no WtF is that? Right thats the world we created for ourselves.
Then it gets even worse, how can a transwoman surely be a woman? Or a transman surely be a man? Thats the society we have cultivated it thrives on hate.
Whats worse is we say love is personal, relationships are personal, heterosexuals will tell you leave our private lives alone, but the hypocrisy is that they make other peoples love and life very much their business.
Now one last thing, marriages and relationships are war zones because the expectation is that people have to aim to be together forever. Those in a position of no social, economic and political power suffer more because their dependence ends up become more invested then the partner in a a social position of privilege.
Now my plea is that we do ourselves a favor and end this mediocrity cycle, for us women and queer bodies its only paramount that we engage in freeing ourselves of this bullshit.
I know im rambling. But thats just me